The most important sex organ is the brain.

The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.Genesis 2:25

God created sex. God loves sex. Sexual intimacy between a man and a woman, in the confines of marriage, is intended to be a “spiritual act of worship” (Romans 12:1) to God.

In addition, God created sex for procreation, as well as, recreation. God-blessed sex between a man and woman, in marriage, is intended to bring enjoyment and fulfillment to both partners.

There is a problem, though, for some with sex. For many married couples, the problem is not a physical problem. It’s not even a problem with technique. It is often a mental problem. You see, the most important sex organ is the brain.

Our brain sends us the messages that have been “encoded” in it. For some, the messages that are received from their brain during sex are messages of fantasy, fear, guilt, shame, regret and sadness.

Messages of fantasy are usually directed towards someone other than the sexual partner. These messages may be rooted in images that have been seen, words that have been read, or individuals that have been encountered.

Messages of fear can be rooted in past sexual experiences that ended poorly. A partner may struggle with performance issues that result in either fear of failure, inadequacy, rejection, or a combination of the three.

Interesting enough, messages of guilt can be rooted in good intentions. A partner that remained physically and sexually pure through abstinence prior to marriage may struggle to feel “free” in the confines of marriage. For all of their life they said “no” to sexual desires and now they are free to say “yes.” This newfound freedom can be difficult to accept by some newly married partners.

Shame, regret and sadness are often rooted in sexual sin prior to marriage, and at times, sexual sin inside of marriage. It should be noted that prior to the fall of mankind in Genesis 3, Adam and Eve, in sinless perfection, were naked before God and one another and “were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:25).

We have found that God can help us replace the “encoded” messages we brought to our “marriage bed” (Hebrews 13:4). Also, He can renew our old way of thinking (2 Corinthians 5:17).

  • What was the attitude toward sex in your family of origin? Was it talked about?
  • Where did you learn about sex?
  • Do you believe a person’s sexual history will have an affect on their marriage?
  • What messages do you have in your brain regarding sex?
  • How were those messages “encoded” in your brain?
  • What affect have those messages had on you?
  • How might God help you replace and/or renew those “encoded” messages?

If you’d like to grow in your understanding and perspective of marital sex as God intended it, here’s some resources we recommend:

  • Sex and the Soul of a Woman – Paula Rinehart
  • Intimate Issues: 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex – Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus
  • Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage – Kevin Leman
  • The Book of Romance: What Solomon Says About Love, Sex, and Intimacy – Tommy Nelson
  • Finding Freedom in a Sex-Obsessed World – Neil T. Anderson

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